How do I keep the peace with my in laws during the holiday season?

Thanksgiving and Christmas bring out my overbearing, impolite, self centered, and worst of all worst in my in laws. I always really had a bad holiday season when I was growing up because we literally had no money and now I have kids so I want everything special for them. Every time a holiday comes around, I have certain sisters in law that want everything their ways and I just want to stay at home and not do anything. It should be about my kids but when we have gone over to celebrate the holidays my kids get yelled at from adults, and It disgusts me to the point that I would rather just go home and make things better for my kids and to hell with them. I don't like to hurt my husband's feelings but he also gets mad and just eats and leaves.My mother in law lives right next door , so my sisters in law come over and that sucks too. Don't get me wrong they are like this all year 'round, but it gets down right nitty gritty come Thanksgiving and Christmas. How do I tell them, when they are right next door that we are not celebrating with them, this year? How do I find the courage to tell my kids they can't go celebrate with the cousins that they love without hurting their feelings.